Cancer is a well-known disease that can be untreatable. It is also known to be the second-leading cause of death in the world. Cancer refers to any one of a large number of diseases characterized by the development of abnormal cells that divide uncontrollably and have the ability to infiltrate and destroy normal body tissue. Cancer often spreads throughout your body.
However, I never knew how much of an impact it had until recently. As someone young like me, it’s hard to count how much this disease affects everyone, not just the person who is diagnosed with it. When you aren’t involved in the situation, it's hard to put yourself in the shoes of someone who is; how much it changes you as a person. I’m going to tell you the affect it has on someone who is close to the sick person. One thing you should know is everyone grieves differently, so do not judge or make assumptions, as I had to deal with this while keeping my mental state okay. This helps no one.
Spring of 2020, right at the start of the pandemic, my best friend of 12 years Rebecca was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer (Ewing Sarcoma). Covid made it impossible for me to visit her and spend time with her. It at first was shocking to hear someone so close to you be diagnosed with something that is not easy to fight. I really thought she would be okay, because she was still happy and smiling like she normally would when she was healthy. But as someone who is very observant with people’s features and moods, I knew she was in pain—and not just physically.
A few months ago, she was transferred to the IWK in Halifax, Nova Scotia, which made it even more impossible to visit her, especially with money and distance creating new obstacles. My mom got in contact with Rebecca’s mom, and they made plans for a few of us to get in to see her...we got snuck in as we under 18. This became the last time we got see her, though we didn’t know that at the time. You can assume just from hearing that how absolutely heart-breaking that would be, for us to not know that until weeks later. Two weeks and a day later her mom sent a text letting me know Rebecca was at the end of her fight. I didn’t sleep that night. I spent hours crying. The next day I didn’t go to school; I was still crying and numb to people and my surroundings. The number of thoughts I had in that span of time is unimaginable, so many you can’t count.
To think how you can’t graduate with the person that was by your side since grade 1, the person that was there for you through everything, the person who would choose you out of everyone they knew, the person who knew absolutely everything about you. You won’t be able to go to their wedding as their best bridesmaid. You won’t be able to work together, spend the rest of our lives as best friends, travel, raise children… the list goes on. As you have those thoughts in your head, imagine it with your best friend. Would you think and feel the exact same way? It’s different for everyone.
For everyone who thinks friendship necklaces or bracelets are stupid, they are not. I haven’t taken off the matching necklace I gave to her the day I last visited her, and I never will. Don’t be shy to show your love for the person you care for the most.
Last week, I was told that she was in a Medically Induced Coma for her last hours to live. I was speechless. Though I do not know how it feels as a mother or father losing their child, I can say, as the closest person other than her parents, it is more than devastating. There are no words to explain the real feeling. Apart from that, trying to stay active is the hardest thing on your body while going through this. You have to try not to fall into a deep depression, even though you have already fallen to the point where you can barely get up in the morning and all you want to do is lay in bed all day and disassociate with the world.
It was not even 10 hours later when Rebecca’s mom told me she passed away. And honestly, after crying so much, you can’t cry anymore. When they’re suffering, all you can do is cry knowing what is on its way. And when it happens, you go numb. I went numb, because I was so out with the world at that point that I dissociated last week, isolating myself from everyone but my boyfriend who helped me stay somewhat sane through everything. I went to school to stare off into space and not be in bed. To stay awake and not completely give up on living.
I attended her funeral this past Sunday, and honestly, this was the hardest part of all, as you’re staring at the casket that laid your lifeless best friend. Seeing the people you were with break when you’ve never see them do so… it tears you apart more. But something that keeps your head up high is knowing that she is not in pain anymore. She’s better now than she was for the last 2 years. She even said herself to “keep smiling”. As much as it’s hard to, I will for her. I will continue to move on with her in my heart forever.
Your family and close friends are really the only people who can somewhat comfort you, but there is no way to completely recover from losing someone that important to you. There will always be a hole in your heart no matter how much happiness comes your way. Right now, my heart hurts. I can’t find a way to smile and be happy, but with everyone around me, I will finally live with the fact that she is above me, following me. I will laugh at things she said and did when she was here, not cry that she’s gone. I’ll be happy that she was once in my life to help guide me through my school years and be symbolized by the shining sun in the sky. Having all of these unknown emotions pile up shows how much of an impact she had on me. On everyone. And hopefully, this shows how much this disease can open people’s eyes, as well as how it can snatch someone away from you in just under a few months.
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