The LGBTQ+ community is supposed to be an accepting place where everyone with a queer identity can feel respected and safe. However, this is far from true. From biphobia to racism to the complete disregard for trans people, the LGBTQ+ can be pretty close-minded even when it comes to some of our own. And this includes queer, neurodivergent trans people and the entirety of the neopronoun discourse, where we start to turn against each other because many are misinformed and have no clue what they're arguing.
Before speaking about anything, there's a few things you need to understand; neurodivergency and what it means, what trans people are, and what the differences are between gender, sex, and gender expression. First, neurodivergent and neurodivergencies pertain to different neurotypes and neurological disorders such as ADHD, DID/OSDD, ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), Tourettes, and many others. These neurodivergencies are classified by having different neurological functions or neurological functions that aren't considered normal.
Second, gender. Gender is a complicated thing, but basically, it's how one identifies. People can identify as cisgender or transgender; these are umbrella terms that encompass men, women, nonbinary, and many other labels. If a person is cisgender, they feel a connection and comfortability with what they were assigned at birth, whether that be AMAB (assigned male at birth) or AFAB (assigned female at birth). Transgender, as you can assume, is the opposite, if a person doesn't feel a connection or comfortability with what sex they were assigned at birth. The person might identify as the opposite gender (Female-to-Male, FTM, or Male-to-Female, MTF), genderfluid, nonbinary, bi-gender, etc. Though there are also intersex people, it's up to them whether they consider themselves trans or cis.
Third and lastly, gender expression and gender identity. Regardless of how someone identifies, they might dress in a completely different way that doesn't fit gender norms. Gender expression can be utterly separate from gender identity. They aren’t mutually exclusive.
Now that that's out of the way, what are neopronouns and who uses them? Neopronouns are a set of pronouns out of the general she/her, he/him, and they/them. And are usually utilized by neurodivergent people. When it comes to neurodivergencies like ASD and ADHD, they both have a long list of diagnostic criterias, but a commonality they share is gender-related. More specifically, they both experience a disconnect with gender.
When I asked two individuals with ADHD/ASD what they thought about gender, their own or just in general, they had a few things to say. One of the individuals that I asked by the name of Olivia (uses she/her pronouns) what she felt about gender, and she said, "I feel that gender is a social construct." Then I asked how she would describe her gender, and she said she didn't know, not understanding her opinion on gender itself. But, when I confronted Mellow (who uses all pronouns) with the same question, he said they were non-binary and would describe their gender as "my gender is endless, like a void, a massive universe." Both of their thoughts on gender seem to end at the "it's a social construct" mark, but even so, Mellow had a bit more to say; they "believe gender is a beautiful thing that should be explored and expanded with no bounds or binary force upon birth".
That being said, neopronouns aren't exclusively used by neurodivergent people, it is what makes the discourse about neopronouns dumb and unnecessary. Neopronouns help neurodivergent people and anyone who doesn't relate to gender in a specific way adequately and comfortably express their gender.
Moving on to misconceptions spread to make neopronouns seem stupid, they are as follows: neopronouns were created to make a mockery of trans people, neopronouns are new and were made by "chronically online" kids, and the biggest one, that schools will start putting litterboxes for people who identify as cats. One, if neopronouns were created to make a mockery of trans people, what's wrong with reclaiming them? We've done it with queer and the F slur, and we'll do it again. Not to mention, almost exclusively, people who identify as trans use neopronouns, so why would they make themselves the target of bullying? That argument doesn't make sense. Two, neopronouns aren't new. They've existed longer than the internet, with most of them originating from Ancient Greece. The noun pronouns, such as frog/frogs, fawn/fawns, bug/bugs, etc., are admittedly newer; however, that doesn't mean they deserve hate, and thinking it does is merely an excuse to hate on young trans people who want to explore their gender in unique ways. Three, and the one most love to bring up, litterboxes in bathrooms. In short, isn't happening. Nor was it ever. This idea came from a hoax article that many people fell for and started spreading like wildfire.
Onto the root of the discourse, cisgender queer people use neopronouns to act as if they are affected. And cisgender queer people don't care enough to hide their embarrassment of all the people who don't fit their idea of how to be trans "right." They can't let people live. This entire discourse comes from people who believe they have a right in a conversation they were never a part of.
As for the trans people against it, they are filled with self-hate and trans-medical views. Trans- medicalism is the act of believing a trans person has to have surgeries and go on testosterone or estrogen to be valid and that trans people have to conform to gender norms to be valid. Trans- medicalism is harmful not only to the people who believe it but also to those who are learning.
Clearing this up is essential, as neopronouns are often hated because they are believed to be a mockery of the trans community, which isn't true. In fact it's the exclusion of neurodivergent trans people. It's the villainization of trans people who don't feel or relate to gender in a certain way. This article is a call out to queer and cis-hetero people alike who believe that they can dictate another person's experiences or that think they have the right to deny someone what they believe is an accurate representation of their gender.
Neopronouns don't affect you if you don't use them. To call neopronouns dumb is borderline ableist. Stop justifying your hate towards trans neurodivergent people and young trans people. And finally, do better and stop bashing your own community when discourse you don't understand comes to attention.
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